When I first started this blog I created a long list of topics I wanted to cover. Anything from learning to come to terms with depression to sharing materialistic things that I love that month – lifestyle blog that covered all aspects of my life.
One topic always stood out to me when I skimmed through my list was Quarter Life Crisis. Yes, it’s a thing and it’s very real. I never felt ready to talk about it because I didn’t feel like I had fully experienced it quite yet but somehow, I knew it would find me and oh yes, it has and it’s haunting me in full blown capacity.
With so many emotions floating around, I’m having a hard time understanding if I’m coming or going, if I’m up or down or if I’m just fine where I’m at. If it was the latter, I’m sure I wouldn’t be writing this post. I’m back and forth on so many things, which turns into a thought process of thinking that my entire life is out of control.
Is this how it will always be? Am I always going to feel unsatisfied?
Sometimes I wake up and realize I do not want to participate in the life that I’m currently leading. Sometimes it feels like I don’t feel anything at all.
I want to blame the pressure of the media who keep telling me to do, live and be all the things which turns out that I’m no where near understanding what any of that actually means. I’m a true advocate for avoiding the negativity so I filled my news feed with positive, influential people who were going to encourage me to live my best life. Lately, I can’t help but feel the urge to punch them all and tell them that they don’t have a clue.
*takes a deep breath*
It’s a beautiful idea but when you don’t know exactly what you want out of life, it gets exhausting to constantly hear those people telling you to just do it.
I envy those lucky ones who had opportunities fall into their lap or who know what their purpose is and work hard to maintain it. I’m not one of those people and I’ll have to put in some blood, sweat and tears into finding it which I understand is all apart of the journey. For now, I’m leading my life blindly and feeling like I’m not doing what I’m “supposed” to be doing. Again, whatever that means.
I apologize if you visit my blog for positivity and encouragement and did not receive that here. This blog is my outlet for not just the good times but also the bad. I’m needing this time to take a breath, re-evaluate and let my positivity resurface again.
Some changes need to happen, and some peace needs to be found. As my head spins, stomach flips and my heart beats faster than normal – I’ve chalked this up to what I imagined a quarter life crisis would feel like.